Part 8: Discovering True Desires and Letting Go Techniques-Grasping and Letting Go, Squeezing the Foam Pack, and Skipping Over the Rock of Emotions

I love blueberry cake donuts. I've even dreamed about them. Today, I was under a lot of stress. I thought I could let myself eat one. Maybe that would make me feel better. So I ate one. But I didn't feel anything. Then I ate another. Still nothing. After eating five, I felt terrible. Why didn't I stop after the first one? Why couldn't one donut make me feel better?

-Sarah

Mindfulness observation techniques are very useful in treating some clients known as "emotional food cleaners." Food cleaners constantly search for food until they find something that perfectly suits their appetite. They hope that if they find the best food, they will feel satisfied or even better. The cleaner's goal is to feel comforted and calmed, not to calm a hungry stomach. They are hungry, but not hungry for food.

The real question is, what are you hungry for when you're emotionally hungry? Are you lonely? Stressed? Anxious? What does eating mask or numb for you? If you know the answer, you'll discover what truly makes you feel better. A donut won't satisfy your needs. Calling a friend is the best way to combat loneliness. Therefore, be more vigilant about food cravings.

To answer the question, "What do you really need?", try relaxing and responding to the urge to eat, rather than simply reacting to it by eating. In these kinds of moments in life, using food to comfort yourself becomes an unconscious reaction: you feel an emotional urge to eat, and then you quickly and automatically follow that inner desire. But how can you relax yourself to meet your need for comfort if you don't do this?

Self-soothing techniques

Please wait a moment before eating.

Respond consciously to your hunger. Make a conscious effort to calm yourself down, rather than following automatic and habitual patterns. To do this, establishing an interval between feeling hungry and responding to it is often helpful. In this exercise, your task is to extend the time interval between noticing and responding to hunger to approximately five to ten minutes. Such an interval allows you time to explore your options and consciously decide what you want to do: tackle the urge to eat under pressure, or do something other than eat.

If your cravings are emotional rather than physiological, then when you find something to do and distract your attention from food, the urge to eat will disappear. Time will pass unnoticed as your attention is fully focused on other things. You may also have noticed that your emotions change significantly over time. If this craving is not based on actual hunger, observe how the intensity of the craving diminishes over time.

Extend the time interval between noticing hunger and responding to it. First, assess your body, rating your emotional hunger level on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 representing the strongest urge to eat. If you can extend this interval to five to ten minutes, this will give you enough time to explore your options.

Self-soothing techniques

Try a fast breathing exercise

By learning this technique, you can quickly manage emotional eating urges. The urge becomes even more overwhelming if you believe you have to endure a strong crave for an extended period (such as an hour or two). However, it's much easier to control if you address it immediately each time. You can do anything in a minute.

Shift your thinking from "I must eat now" to something more positive and proactive so you can tolerate your urges coming and going. Each time, focus your attention immediately on dealing with it. You might find your mind resisting, thinking, "Oh no, this isn't working." Such thoughts will drive you to eat. So, tell yourself, "I will try my best."

Take a slow breath and say a short phrase that will boost your confidence and willpower, such as “I am resilient,” “I can do this,” “I’m fine without food,” or “I will get through this.”

Exhale slowly and say a sentence that suggests this mood will change, such as "I will patiently wait for it to end," "I can hold on," "This is not permanent," or "I can resolve it immediately each time."

Practice this technique for one minute. At the end of the time, assess your body. On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your current level of emotional hunger.

Ask yourself if you can practice for just one more minute.

The intensity of your appetite will decrease or lessen slightly, though the change will be minimal. You will build confidence that you will be fine if you don't succumb to this numbing urge or the pleasure you derive from food.

If you can't focus on your breathing, fill the gap between noticing hunger and responding to hunger with conscious observation. For example, count the number of tiles on the floor or ceiling. Or find all the blue things in the room and name them. You can fill the gap in your own way as well. Then reassess your emotional hunger level (from 1 to 10).

Let go

I yelled at myself for ordering a greasy appetizer for dinner. I didn't need it, and I'd ruined my diet. I'd told myself a hundred times, "Let it go!" The rational side of my brain knew that was the best thing to do. But now I couldn't do anything about it. When a thought popped into my head, I couldn't seem to let it go.

-Samantha

Letting go means relinquishing the need to control the situation. You stop telling yourself what it should be and start focusing on what it truly is right now. This attitude brings new insights. When you see what they truly are, you can begin to look for new ways to resolve them.

Letting go of or ignoring emotional eating cravings can be achieved through practice. Samantha, a 30-year-old high school teacher, felt intensely driven to fulfill every one of her cravings. She couldn't remove the thought of food from her mind. Sometimes, she found herself unable to put down her breakfast cereal bowl until she felt better or the entire box was gone. When this happened, she felt bloated and extremely uncomfortable. She would then become angry with herself and emotionally punish herself in other ways.

Emotional eaters may find they can't let go of many things, not just their guilt about unconscious eating. Excessive focus on things that bother or anger you is often more harmful than the event that initially triggered your anger. At the same time, worrying about things you can't change is also a powerful trigger for emotional eating.

Self-soothing techniques

Methods of grabbing and releasing

Letting go of stressful thoughts and cravings is a bit like catching and releasing a fish. Unlike traditional fishing (where the fish is caught and then kept), the catch-and-release method requires you to untangle the fish and immediately put it back into the water. This method demands speed and must not harm the fish. If a painful thought is bothering you, or your consciousness is trapped by the craving for food, imagine yourself casting a fishing line, catching the thought, retracting it, and then immediately releasing it.

This approach is more comforting than trying to ignore your hunger. A struggle of psychological energy occurs when you try to push away thoughts of food or stress eating. Gradually recognize the urge to emotionally eat and stop this energy struggle. Then, use the following dialogue as a model for your internal dialogue to deal with emotional eating.

Practice dialogue

Catch: I need to find something to eat.

Fang: Oh, here's an idea about food.

Claw: Hmm, I'd like to know which leftovers I can heat up.

Fang: I just want to eat, but that doesn't mean I have to eat.

Hey: You don't need it! You shouldn't eat, you're a pig!

Release: This is a harsh idea.

Why am I so harsh on myself? I should eat something.

Fang: An idea is an idea; I don't need to listen to it.

Self-soothing techniques

Foam packaging

If you find yourself eating because you're angry, need to let go, or need to release strong emotions, squeezing foam packaging can be relaxing. The act of squeezing plastic and the noise it makes can also release pent-up emotions.

Self-soothing techniques

Jump over the rock of emotions

You can do this training by the water, such as at the seaside, lakeside, riverside, or streamside (this method works well if there's a lake or stream near your home). Collect a bunch of small, relatively flat stones that feel comfortable in your hand, and then let each stone skim across the water's surface. You should throw each stone like a frisbee, and you should throw them parallel to the water's surface so they skim across it. If you do it correctly, you'll see the stones bounce on the water's surface. Each stone represents an emotion. Imagine letting go of those emotions that are bothering you.

Self-soothing techniques

Let go and breathe

When you can't let go of your food cravings, or when you're surrounded by negative thoughts or emotions, try the following exercise:

(1) Take three deep, slow breaths.

(2) Reset your body. Your body is likely unconsciously in a posture that reflects how you are feeling. For example, if you are depressed, you may be hunched over. Changing your posture is important; it can help you let go of those emotions. If you are sitting, stand up.

(3) Shake your whole body, shake your hands, shoulders, arms, waist, buttocks and thighs.

(4) As you move, tell yourself, “I am letting go of what is happening.”

(5) Imagine that as you shake your whole body, your thoughts are moving away from you.

(6) Take three or more deep, slow breaths.

(7) Repeat the above process three or more times.